


Destiny and Desire: James

by ColorfulStabwound



Series: The chronicles of Teddy and James [6]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-05
Updated: 2014-12-05
Packaged: 2018-02-28 06:57:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2722982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulStabwound/pseuds/ColorfulStabwound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You would never know that it wasn’t really you that broke this family, because it was already broken before you got here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destiny and Desire: James

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Destiny and Desire - Teddy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2674352) by [unkissed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unkissed/pseuds/unkissed). 



> Please heed all of the tags before proceeding. You HAVE been warned.
> 
> Endless thanks to Unkissed for allowing me to delve further into their story and realize James' perspective. The original is linked here and I highly suggest that you read it. 
> 
> Some content taken directly from the original piece by Unkissed.
> 
> For Teddy and for James, who will always find their destiny in each other.

               _—Your destiny is shaped according to the combination of_

_Conditions pre-determined at birth and of other factors_

_That you are able to change through your own efforts._

 

You were five years old the first time fate intervened in your life. Up until this point you had been living a blissfully ignorant existence where things like _fate_ and _destiny_ held no meaning; life was jellybeans and ice cream and everything in between. Your thirst for mischief and lust for life led you on endless adventures and often landed you in precarious situations and you loved every second of it. You hit the ground running and never bothered to pause long enough to look over your own shoulder.

 

Your earliest memories all involve Teddy and you can see him clearly in your minds eye, even more so now—A smiling, childlike version of the older brother that you have always loved on some level or another. He had always been there for you in every aspect of your life and it wasn’t until the harsh reality of separation by boarding school hit you, that you realized that Teddy couldn’t always be there to protect you from yourself.

 

Of course, at five years old you could hardly assimilate this hard truth for what it was, but you could not deny the fury of anger and sadness that raged inside of you when he left, nor could you escape the cloud of loneliness and the aching vacancy that he left behind.

 

With Teddy away at school you were left to spend your days at home, with your mother and your brother. Albus wasn’t _nearly_ as much fun as Teddy was. Even as a toddler he was reserved and quiet and so utterly unlike you that it frustrated you to the point of temper tantrums. You couldn’t understand why Teddy had to go away or why your brother was so boring or even why you’re mum always looked like she was constantly running a marathon. When you were five years old you felt more alone than any child ever should and no one seemed to understand.

 

Family meals were always an interesting affair. Most evenings it was just the three of you because your dad was always away on some important mission or another. He was always _so busy with work_. That is what your mum would always say when she smiled at you and Albus across the table and the thinly veiled weariness behind her expression never escaped your attention. On the nights that he _did_ manage to join his family, you and Albus always fought for his attention. Albus would scramble up into his lap and you would bounce at his side and excitedly retell your entire day—Moment for moment. It never mattered how tired he was or how long he’d been away, he always made time for all of you.  He would listen to your stories and chuckle around tiny yawns that you skillfully ignored as you spouted on and on. He would ruffle Albie’s hair and kiss your mother’s cheek and he always told the very best bedtime stories.

 

In Teddy’s absence it was easy to fill the void in your life with your dad, and as the days turned into weeks you found yourself scrambling for every scrap of free time that he had. You would berate your mum for hours on end about what time your dad was coming home and you would wait by the floo and fling yourself into his arms the second he came through. Your relationship with you’re your father flourished in those months and you had no way of knowing it at the time, but you were not the only one who was feeling the loss of Teddy’s near-constant presence.

 

For all of his faults, your father was exceedingly skilled at making you happy. Like most of your family he could rarely deny you and was often on the receiving end of endless rounds of hide and find in the forest behind the house. It never mattered how tired he was when he came home, he _always_ made time for you. Always. The bond that you hadn’t had the opportunity to form with him strengthened in that span of months and although you were thrilled that Teddy would be returning for Christmas holidays, you were reluctant to let go of the newfound closeness you had with your dad.

 

The day Teddy returned from school everything went right out the window. You were beside yourself with excitement and you begged your father to let you go with to pick him up from the station and although he _really_ wanted to say no, he was powerless to your insistent pleading.  When Teddy stepped off the train you squealed in delight and flung your arms around him and squeezed him as tight as your five-year old self would allow. You never saw the looks exchanged between him and your dad and you were over the moon the entire ride back to the house, safely nestled between them.

 

School had changed Teddy and you found yourself working overtime to retain his attention. He seemed distracted and not nearly interested enough in your games; the games that he used to love to play. Never before had the six years that separated you felt so glaringly obvious. Teddy was growing up and you were still just a child, but he was still your big brother and you were as determined as ever to show him that you loved him the most—No matter what.

 

When Teddy would miss his turn on a game you were playing at the kitchen table, you would poke him in the ribs to get his attention and you wouldn’t think twice about the way he’d been watching your dad sleeping in the armchair by the fireplace in the next room. When he took longer than normal finding you during hide and find you didn’t even get annoyed with him, instead you chose exceedingly simple to find _hiding_ spots to make it easier on him.  You had missed Teddy so violently when he went away and even though he didn’t seem to have missed you nearly as much, you never let it bother you because there was never anything that Teddy could have done to you that would ever change your opinion of him.

 

The day Teddy returned to school was a day you will never forget. You can still recall, with disturbing clarity, how your father’s arms felt around you as he held you against him. You stood there together, waving to Teddy from the other side of a train window and you refused to cry because now you were six and six year-olds did not cry. But also because you didn’t want to make Teddy sad—Except Teddy _did_ look sad, no matter how big you smiled or how much you waved.

 

Your father was uncharacteristically quiet during the trip back to the house, and when he stayed behind instead of making the weekly family trip to the ice cream parlor, you stayed with him because he looked like you felt.

 

“Mum says you’ll get wrinkles if you frown that big.” You were sitting beside him on the sofa, watching him as he watched some program or other on the muggle television and when he chuckled and ruffled the top of your head you felt a little bit better. You snuggled up against him and before you even realized it, you were fast asleep and you had never felt safer than you did with his arm curled protectively around you.

 

Life returned to normal after that, and it was a little bit easier to adjust to Teddy’s absence because now you had practice.

 

By the time Easter holidays rolled around the following year you were no stranger to the holes Teddy left in your life every time he boarded the Hogwart’s Express. The entire day was filled with laughter and games and you hardly noticed when your father left early with aunt Hermione because you had Teddy back and you refused to waste even a minute of your time together.

  
Back at the house Teddy surprised you when he insisted on staying downstairs instead of in the bedroom you shared with Albus. He always slept in the same room as you did and although you did your best not to let it outwardly show _too_ much, it was the first real time that Teddy had ever intentionally hurt you. It didn’t matter that it was something small and you didn’t care if he had schoolwork to catch up on. This was _your_ time with him and it wasn’t fair that it was being divided even more than it already was. Of course, you had no way of knowing that Teddy was lying to you and although you tried very hard to stay awake long enough for Albus to fall asleep so you could sneak out of your room and downstairs to the guest room, you were powerless to the charming pull of sleep and you would be spared the truths of Teddy’s lies.

 

For now…

 

Years seemed to pass you by exactly like this. When Teddy was home from school you were the happiest little boy in the entire universe without a care in the world and when Teddy was away, you were something else. As you got older your frustration at being left behind evolved into something twisted and private that you kept locked up tight in the confines of your own mind. You began to understand the truths of life and no matter how happy Teddy made you when he was around; you always knew that he would leave again in the end.

 

You were nine years old the first time you realized that your family was not what it appeared on the outside.

 

It was late and you should have been sleeping, but you were never any good at doing what you were told. You can still remember the creak of floorboards outside your bedroom door and the muffled sound of hushed voices that you strained to hear properly. You had slid silently off of your bed and tip toed to the window that faced the backyard, your fingertips hovering at the drawn curtain as you dared yourself to pull the fabric aside, just a fraction. When you saw Teddy standing in the middle of the lawn, half-bathed in shadows and darkness, your heart skipped a beat and you were instantly struck with the desire to abandon your room and go to him. Teddy looked nervous and his gaze was fixed on something out of your line of sight and when your father crossed the darkened lawn and stood beside Teddy, your breath caught in your throat. It was well after midnight and you chewed your bottom lip as you watched them, infinitely curious as to what they were up to out there.

 

 

Your father looked tired; his eyes were pinched at the corners and you could see the brilliance of them shining in the moonlight, even from behind the glasses he wore. They were leaning close and speaking to one another and you wished that you had a wand so that you might cast some spell or other to hear what was being said. Teddy reached for your father’s hand in a gesture that looked a little too personal and when they disappeared into the potting shed you stared after them for a long moment as confusion and curiosity warred within you.

 

In the end your curiosity won out, as it did most days, and you eased open your bedroom door as quietly as you could and silently made your way through the sleeping house and towards the back door. You hadn’t bothered to put any shoes on or even a coat, and when you stepped onto the ice-cold stone slab that was your back porch, you quickly clamped a hand over your mouth to muffle the yelp of shocked surprise.  You cut across the very edge of the lawn to the small shed at the far corner, taking care to stick to the shadows as much as possible. There were no windows and you were not about to open the door and land yourself in trouble, so you did the only thing that came to mind. When you pressed your ear against the door you squeezed your eyes shut tight and strained to hear anything at all on the other side.  For a long moment you were met with nothing but silence, but then you heard it.

 

A soft and nearly inaudible whimper.

 

Your eyes tore open and you wanted to throw open the door because you recognized that sound—Last summer, when you and Teddy had been running through the moors, he had tripped on a decaying log and landed face down in the mud and sounded exactly the same way.

 

The need to _fix_ him was as strong as it was last summer and it took every ounce of self-control your nine year-old self could muster to remain where you were, unfound. It wasn’t long at all before the soft whimper was joined by several other sounds you did not recognize. You could hear your father’s muffled voice on the other side of the door and he sounded sad. You wanted to know what was happening inside the shed, the _need_ to know was overwhelming and when you finally gathered enough courage to push the door open a sliver, you instantly wanted to take it all back.

 

There are certain truths that one can never escape, no matter how hard they might try. A child should never have to experience the hand of suffering or the arms of unrest, and despite your tender age, fate saw fit to intervene within the patterns of your life once again.

 

You never did get to sleep that night that you will never forget, and when Teddy and your father stepped out of the potting shed you were still outside, safely ensconced in the tree house that your father had built around the massive limbs of the English oak that served as the centerpiece of your own backyard.  You watched them carefully as they stepped inconspicuously into the shadows as if they might be caught out, both of them looking more than a little broken for vastly different reasons. Your gaze followed them as they retreated back to the house and disappeared inside and still you did not move from your hiding spot. You were frozen to the bone and too numb to feel it. 

 

You could not realize it yet, but both Teddy and your father had both irreversibly inflicted tiny wounds on you that would serve as the very first mental scars you would ever receive. No longer were you _just_ Jamie, the Potter prodigy with the world at his fingertips.

 

You would never be just Jamie again.

 

After that night you were never the same. Your mind became a dark place that you grew accustomed to living in, and although you were skilled enough to hide behind a carefree façade, it was always there. Where you were stealthy and sneaky before, you honed those skills and many others, tenfold. Whenever you were around Teddy you wanted to throw up and you could hardly stand to look him in the eyes. Nothing would ever be the same between you, although you refused to let him see that. It was much easier to recognize all of the signs that now seemed so glaringly obvious to you and you couldn’t help but wonder how you had been so stupid.

 

Teddy gazing at your father while he slept on the sofa.

Teddy not wanting to sleep in your room anymore.

Teddy distracted and distant.

 

Had your entire life been nothing but a lie? Had all of those memories you held so tightly to and all of the love that you had _always_ felt, been for nothing? Teddy Lupin was always supposed to be just for you, and your father had gone and ruined everything. It didn’t matter if Teddy went willingly or not, it killed you each and every night that you lie down in your bed and for the first time in three years, you found yourself crying.

 

By the time you were ten years old you were little more than a shell of your former self.  You gave silent self-destruction a new meaning and it was here, this exact moment of your life, that destiny had its finger on the menial pulse of your life.

 

For it had always been written in the book of destiny that James Potter Jr. would spiral into darkness at the hands of his own family.

 

In Teddy’s absence you turned your attentions to your father. At first you were angry with him for taking Teddy away from you. You wanted to beat him with fists that were still too small to mean anything until you couldn’t feel the hurt inside anymore. You wanted him to feel like you did and you would never know that what he felt was far worse. He became scarcer around the house than ever and you found yourself waiting up in the darkness for him to shuffle in at ungodly hours. The first few nights you said nothing to him at all, just sat in the darkness and listened to him breathe and live and it did nothing but blossom the growing hatred inside of you.

 

It was especially late the night you finally acknowledged his presence. You were standing in the corner bathed in shadows and you were mildly surprised that he did not detect you when he came in. _Hero my arse._    “Working late?” Your voice cut through the tangible darkness like a knife and his head snapped up and he was instantly on alert. When he spotted you, you did not miss the way the tiny glimmer of hope blinked quickly out of his emerald eyes and you couldn’t help but wonder if he’d been half-hoping it had been Teddy instead.

 

“James, you startled me. What are you doing up, it’s so late?” He sounded weary in a way that you had never noticed before and it stirred nothing but hurt within you.

 

You stared at him for a long moment before you answered, trying to decide what you wanted to say to him and just how much you should reveal. “Waiting for you.” Is what you finally said, and when he smiled tiredly at you and crossed the room towards you, your pulse jumped into your throat.

 

“Whatever it is, I’m sure it can wait until morning.” He reached for you and you instinctively shrugged away from him, which instantly changed the expression he wore from weary to confused. “No, it can’t.” You said as you flattened yourself against the wall and silently hoped that he would not reach for you again.

 

“Explain yourself.” He said as he sighed, and when your throat went dry you still forced yourself to speak, even though it hurt like hell.

 

“I saw you.” Your voice was like sandpaper that made your eyes sting and burn and although your father was still thoroughly confused, the tiniest sliver of fear gripped him from behind like an impatient lover.

 

“I don’t understand.” He responded carefully, emerald gaze locked on you tentatively.

 

“Yes, you do.” You lifted your head with a determination that far exceeded your years and looked him right in the eyes and waited for realization to dawn on him.

 

There was a stand off of sorts after that, a long moment where neither of you said anything at all. You glared at him with accusation and hurt in your eyes and for all of his efforts to remain the clueless man he’d always been so good at portraying, he was failing miserably because now you could see the truth behind his eyes.

 

“James, I don’t know what you think you saw, but I’m—“ He never got to finish that lie because you cut him off and effectively shut him right up.  “I saw you with Teddy!” Your words came out in a bitter hiss that sounded more like scorned lover than they had any right to, and when his mouth gaped open and then snapped closed a few seconds later, you were grimly satisfied by the effect of your words.

 

“How could you?” It was all that you could think to say, and although your accusations and disgust stirred the fear within him, he was still not getting it.  “It’s not what you think, James. Surely you are mistaken.” You wanted to laugh at the sincerity with which he spoke but you bit down on your bottom lip to stifle a sob instead.  “Oh, so I was _mistaken_ when I saw you screwing my god brother in the potting shed. I see.” Your sarcastic response was like a verbal slap and you watched as the color slowly drained out of your father’s face—The face you had always looked up to, the face you never dreamed could hurt you.

 

When your father could no longer hide behind his denial he heaved a tired sigh and said nothing at all. You watched him behind eyes that raged like a quiet storm and when he began to cry, the emotion of the moment was completely lost on you. 

 

“I never meant for it to get so far,” He whispered around a shaky and quieted whimper before clamping a hand over his mouth as he was racked with a stream of anguished sobs.

 

You watched him fall apart for a long time, feeling nothing for this man that had sat you on his knee and read you bedtime stories. You couldn’t assimilate how he could do this, not only to Teddy, but also to _you._ Yes, you felt very much like this was a personal attack on you, the way your father had tainted the one thing in this world that was supposed to be just for you.

 

A proper thought process might have involved a worried thought about your mother or siblings, but you were far too selfish for that. Your mother was a fighter and she had never needed anyone or anything to complete her, except that wasn’t entirely true, as you would come to find out in the months following. Too consumed were you with feelings of anger and betrayal to focus on much else. You wanted your father to pay for what he’d done, and you made a silent vow to yourself right at that moment, that he would. One day soon.

 

“Don’t you _dare_ touch Teddy again.” You stepped right up to him as you spoke, not realizing that your laughable impression of a childish warning was not as threatening as you thought it was. It would have been comical from an outsider’s perspective. Your father still had quite a bit of height over you, not that it hindered you in any way. You had effectively managed to terrify your own father—Harry fucking Potter, savior of the entire damned world.

 

After that night, you held all of the power. Your father took drastic measures to ensure that you were rarely alone together and he really _threw_ himself into his work. Whenever he looked at you, the fear and the guilt that was readily available was like a feast for your ego and as the months progressed you went out of your way to make your father as silently uncomfortable as possible. When he would glance up from the telly or startle awake in the middle of the night from a bad dream he would see you there, your accusing glare cutting through the interim.  It became a sick game for you, one that satisfied the steadily growing emptiness inside of you. Every time you broke him with the weight of your stare alone, your heart would race and the perverse pleasure that would thump through you, mutated upon itself over and over again until you could not longer recognize it.

 

The day your mother sat you and your siblings down and told you that she and your dad were going to separate for a while was the next time that fate intervened in your life. You remember watching her as she spoke as calmly and as objectively as she could, but you could see the anger and the hurt in each and every one of her words, and for a moment you felt the faint connection between you.  You were as upset to see your dad move into Grimauld place as your brother and sister, but for a vastly different reason. 

 

You wanted to _see_ your father quietly suffer, you had grown accustomed to the feeling of it and you needed it more than you could ever comprehend at your age.

 

You never did confess to Teddy what you had seen or what you knew, it was a secret you would take to your grave.

 

When you embarked on your own journey to school things changed, and once again destiny had its finger on the pulse of your life. Your need to see your father suffer was replaced with your need for Teddy, and as you got older you were undeterred by his subtle brush-offs to your advances.

 

You began paying your father visits at the old house he was miserably occupying because you could not help yourself, and it was one evening after Albus and Lily had gone to sleep that you stepped into his bedroom and asked of him the one thing that he had never seen coming and was powerless to prevent.

 

You stood silently at the edge of his bed, watching him as he slept and wondering what he saw when he closed his eyes. When he woke up suddenly and rubbed at his eyes your presence startled him and he stared bleary-eyed at you in the darkness. When you shed the night clothes your wore and slipped between the warmed sheets of his bed he cowered away from you and when you lay a hand on his chest and asked him to make you feel how he made Teddy feel, he shook his head violently and began to cry silently.

 

He couldn’t possibly understand your motives or the true nature of your actions, and when you curled your naked body around his, he was stiff and terrified and hopelessly drowning in his own despair. “Show me.” You insisted quietly in his ear, because you needed to feel what Teddy felt and you thought that if you could bring yourself to the same level as your god brother than maybe he would finally love you back the he was destined to.

 

Of course, as a father, he should have simply put a stop to the situation before it began, but Harry Potter was never any good at doing what was right; you both knew that going in. You were hardly surprised at how little effort it took on your part, and when his anguished tears slowly turned into soft sighs and appraising words, you smirked inwardly at how easy it had been.

 

The entirety of your summer holiday passed just like this. Your days were spent laughing with Teddy and finding amusement in his attempts to deter you with various partners. His brief relationship with your cousin Victoire was comical at best, especially when it ended as quickly as it began. Your nights were spent at Grimauld with your father, who was quickly realizing you as a suitable replacement for Teddy.

 

It should have disturbed you on so many levels, learning everything you would ever know about sex from your own father, but you have always been resilient and determined. Your eagerness to excel and your _need_ to feel anything at all overshadowed everything else and when Harry Potter took your virginity just like he had Teddy, you finally felt like you were ready.

 

The day you snuck off the school grounds and boarded a train to Oxford was the day that fate and destiny battled for dominance over your very existence. It had always been your fate to be this version of yourself, but your destiny lie with Teddy Lupin.

 

You had hours to yourself to contemplate what you would say when you were finally face to face with him on the train ride to Oxford, and when you reached him, time stood still the entire time.

 

When you were in Teddy’s arms you almost felt like you were whole again, as if he could erase all of the scars and all of the hurt with the power of his touch alone.  His kiss was like liquid fire that burned you clear down into your soul and had you known anything at all about the true power of destiny and desire, perhaps it could have been enough for you. 

 

Of course your actions had been calculated, that has always been the point of all of this. When he finally stopped resisting is when you knew you had won, and when you revealed _just_ enough of your experiences with your father that he would _know_ , he acted precisely how you had known he would.

 

Because you have loved and lived with Teddy Lupin long enough to predetermine his thoughts and actions.

 

 

It was easy to tell Teddy the things that he wanted to hear without _really_ hearing them. Of course you couldn’t reveal the true intentions behind all of your actions up until this point, but you hoped that on some level at least, he could understand. You were high on anticipation and the need to feel, and only when he kissed you did you ever falter, however brief a moment. When Teddy covered your body with his own you accepted him willingly and with open arms, and when your two souls finally became one, you knew that this was the one thing that you were always meant to do, clear down to the center of your soul.

 

It was barely dawn when you sat up in Teddy’s bed and leaned over the side to reach into your bag on the ground. He didn’t even stir as the soft sound of glass clinking together broke up the silence of the room. You turned to gaze down at his sleeping form and it nearly broke your heart how peaceful he looked, cradled in the arms of sleep. You un-stoppered the pair of tiny phials in your grasp and when you shifted on the bed, his eyes fluttered open and their fathomless beauty was arresting enough that it almost stopped your heart.

 

You were fourteen years old the day you took control of your own destiny and told fate to go fuck itself.

 

You didn’t hesitate as you leaned over Teddy and raised the open phial to his lips. He was still in a sleepy daze and did not realize what was happening until it was too late. You slid a knee over him and straddled him, the soft brush of warm skin against skin pulling a soft sigh from you as your lashes shuttered like butterfly wings.

 

Teddy’s eyes were wide and the corners of his mouth were twitching with uncertainty, so you reached down to stroke his cheek gently, your words a soothing murmur. “Shhh Teddy, it will be okay soon.”

 

You smiled down at him and when he licked his lips before he spoke, your pulse thumped loudly in your chest.  “Jamie…” It was all that he could think to say and it was more than enough. You didn’t need physical words to know what Teddy was thinking or feeling, you had had your entire life to become accustomed to just _knowing._   Your loving gaze held all of the answers that he would ever need and when his fingers intertwined with yours and he nodded his head, you knew that he understood everything.

 

“I don’t want to be alone anymore.” Teddy’s whisper was like the most beautiful symphony to your ears, and when you leaned over to press your lips against his, the faint taste of lavender that clung to them made you smile.

 

“You’re not alone Teddy, you have me. You always have.” When you sat back up he looked calm and his eyelids looked heavy. You smiled again when his fingers found yours in the waning darkness and when he spotted the phial of purple potion in your other hand he heaved a quiet sigh of relief that put to rest any lingering reservations that you may have been clinging to.

 

Teddy watched you through half-mast eyes as you quickly downed your phial and when you discarded them and curled up next to him, his arms folded around you and his head came to rest against yours.

 

When you greet sleep it is with open arms because you know that even though you will never wake, you will be together in your dreams. Forever.

 

The draught of endless sleep was not as difficult to get your hands on as it should have been, especially for Harry Potter’s son. It was never your intention to kill your father, as Teddy’s own dream has depicted.  Your goal had always been much greater than that—Besides, you know that your father’s torment is far worse than death could ever be.

 

You had always known that there was no way to live in a world where your very soul was irreversibly influenced by grief and happiness. It was this knowledge that birthed your plans and ideas and it was the knowledge that the two of you could have it all when your souls were reborn together, that kept you going when you thought of giving it all up. Of course it was selfish, and at the end of the day it was nothing more than a murder suicide, but you were not capable of seeing it that way. 

 

You were giving Teddy back the freedom and peace that had been stripped from him at a very early age. You had traded your own innocence for everything because you would do anything for him, no matter the cost, and you think that he finally understood that.

 

The day the Prophet broke the story of the grim discovery in Oxford was the day that your father _finally_ realized the weight of his actions. Yours and Teddy’s story read like a star-crossed lovers tale that was convoluted with incest and abuse. Your final act, however selfless you told yourself it was, had shocked the entire wizarding world into a disbelieving silence.  No longer could he deny what he had done and the permanent damage that he had inflicted upon so many people. He would never forgive himself for the things that he had done, although he would certainly try. His position as an Auror made it easy to seek out and track illegal brewers and distributors and although his reckless nature had always come through for him, in the end it did not stop the curse that killed him during a particularly nasty raid.

 

Your father never _did_ find the person that sold you the potion, but then again, that was never the point of any of this.

 

 

You and Teddy were moved to St. Mungos where you would live out the rest of your days side by side in a shared room, forever caught in the net of your combined dreams. 

 

You would never see your brother and sister grow up and you would not be able to attend your father’s funeral. You would never know that your brother still made a point to come and visit you and Teddy every month, despite his flourishing musical career. You would never feel your sister’s presence as she held your hand and told you all about her children and her husband and you would never once know how often your mother would sit in a chair between your bed and Teddy’s bed and cry because she had failed you both. 

 

You would never know that it wasn’t really _you_ that broke this family, because it was already broken before you got here.

 

You would never have the opportunity to realize that the harsh reality of this situation isn’t death or destruction or even desire, because it never mattered to you how you got here.

 

Teddy will always be just for you, and you know that you were born specifically for him.

 

 

 


End file.
